you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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