My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fuck appropriateness.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
