I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
