Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
