sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
