He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
