hotel room ftw
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
