my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
