i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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