I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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