i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
