Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
