so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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