I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
