is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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