Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
