if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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