I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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