Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
