I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
