My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
