her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone signed my nipple.
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