they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
honey bunches of taint.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
