woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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