how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
