i don't like sucking hair
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
