the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
