Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
