No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
