I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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