This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
