oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
