Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
