just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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