Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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