you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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