your room smells of hookers.
And success
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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