So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
