I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
