She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
