you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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