I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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