fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
