I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
