I wanna bring you to show and tell
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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