Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
