wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
