Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
