I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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