Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
