Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
