Since when is my name a synonym for head?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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