I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
