I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
